In this episode, Sara will share with you her 10 signs to watch out for if you feel that something is off with your partner. Cheating is the worst case scenario in every relationship. As much as you want to prevent someone from cheating, some things are out of your control. You can only control yourself, thus being aware of some warning signals may also help you protect yourself from further heartbreak. While you don’t want to be overly suspicious and naive, you still have to trust your gut to know when you think there is something wrong with your partner.

1. Your partner makes sudden changes to their appearance.  Now, it might be small changes, like taking more time to get ready, spending more time looking in the mirror, maybe they start to dress differently, or take more care about what they’re going to wear, you know, choosing their clothes becomes a much longer process than it ever did before. If maybe they start to work out more, or they’re suddenly going on a really healthy diet, it could be that they’re trying to impress someone. So that is one of the signs.

2. They become more secretive. Now, just like in the story with my client, Jackie, where her husband had a new password on his phone, and he was carrying it everywhere with him and not leaving his phone out of sight. That could be a sign that they’re communicating with somebody and they don’t want you to see it. If they give vague explanations about who they’re messaging or who they’re spending time with, that, again, could be a sign. If the computer screen changes when you walk in the room, or they start taking calls out of earshot, then all these could be signs of an affair.

3. Your partner becomes more irritable around you. In order to be unfaithful, your partner is going to have to justify it by focusing on the negatives with your relationship with them. So this can manifest with them being more critical of you snapping more, or maybe just causing arguments. Being more vocal about the things that they’re not happy with can help them feel more confident about their decision to have an affair and cheats and may even create an opportunity for them to walk out.

4. They don’t contact you and you can’t contact them. Now, if your partner is cheating on you, then they may stop calling you and texting you as much as they used to. When you try to contact them, they might be unavailable. Or they may just not respond as quickly as they used to. There might be times where you just can’t get ahold of them at all they don’t answer. And their explanations of running out of battery not having a charger or not having any signal just don’t sit well with you.

5. They start to talk about somebody else. So for example, with one of my clients, Haley, her husband started mentioning a woman in his work. Now this woman was new to his work. And so it seemed natural at first he would talk about this lady that had started working in his office, but she kept popping up in conversations and he was very animated when he talks about her. Now this seems strange, I know but it does almost in a way help lessen the guilt. If your partner’s mentioned that person to you. Also the fact that they are thinking about this other person a lot becomes very hard tight. So mentioning somebody new and talking about them a lot could potentially be a sign that they are having an affair.

6. Your instinct just tells you that something isn’t right. You might try to push those thoughts away, but they’re just going to keep on resurfacing, something just doesn’t feel right. It’s like, you know that time when your gut instinct is screaming at you that there’s more to this and that you’re right, to feel this way to be suspicious. The thing is, you know your partner better than anybody. So if they are hiding an affair, you’re going to notice something isn’t right. Even if it’s super subtle, just little subtle signs, you are going to notice them.

7. Sex life changes. So it could be that a new partner in their lives makes them more adventurous with you than they’ve ever been before. And they want to try new things with you in bed. So having a secret lover could actually increase their sex drive with you. Or the opposite could happen. And they could start rejecting your advances or making excuses, the they’re tired, they’ve got a headache, they’re busy, they’re too stressed to have sex with you. Maybe they stop those signs of affection, like holding your hand. And those compliments, so they don’t tell you so often that they love you, or maybe they completely stop. So these could be signs that your partner is getting their needs met somewhere else.

8. Partner becomes very defensive. So what do I mean by defensive? Well, when you ask where they’ve been what they’ve been doing, just like when Jackie did they come back with a lot more aggression than the question really merited? So something like why are you asking all these questions? I was with Dave, call him and ask him if you don’t believe me. That’s something I one of my clients told me recently. And she never called this guy Dave, because she thought, well, it couldn’t be true. If he was saying to cool, Dave, then she didn’t want to embarrass herself by calling Dave and him saying, Well, yeah, he’s been with me. So this client never did that. However, it turned out that Dave was just a cover story. Also, if your partner accuses you of having an affair, then this can be them judging you by their own standards. This can happen when somebody is doing something that they feel guilty about. But because that’s their reality, they assume and they may be become paranoid that you will be doing the same thing. So it is possible for your partner to believe that you might be doing it too, just as they’re trying to deflect their own bad behavior here.

9. You are no longer invited to go out with him anymore. So maybe they choose to go out with you on their own. Whereas before you were always together, it might be a sign of infidelity. Maybe they don’t invite you to the Christmas party or out with their friends, and start to socialize on their own more, this could be a sign that they’re hiding something.

10.  The most powerful reason is that things just don’t add up for you. So their behavior has started to change or has changed for no apparent reason. They go out earlier, maybe they come back later, but the job is still the same. Maybe they tell you that they were out with Dave last week, but now you find out that they were doing something else that day. Or maybe they say that their phone ran out of battery, but you’ve just seen it and is fully charged. It’s time to trust your instinct. Okay, it is time to start listening to your instincts.

None of these signs mean that your partner is definitely having an affair. They just will help you identify some of the warning signs the red flags, okay. And as I said before, it’s important that you open a line of communication. Now, as I mentioned with Jackie, my client, who mentioned it to her actually got an extremely defensive response. So have a think about the best way to communicate with your partner so that you get the result that you want and need right now. If you’re looking for answers, then try to approach it in a way that encourages them to tell you the truth. So if you do decide you want to have that conversation with your partner, then make sure you’ve got some support team set up around you so that if you do find out some bad news, you have got the support in place. Now also, make sure that when you’re asking the questions, you’re doing it without accusations, because unless you have concrete proof, accusing your partner of having an affair when they’re not can cause long term damage and be really difficult to unpick so tread carefully at the beginning. But please know that if you do discover your partner is cheating on you. Then there is help and do check out my episode on how to cope when your partner is having an affair to get the help and support you need so that you can dial down those negative emotions and get through what is inevitably an extremely challenging time knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s time to get your sparkle back.

I’m Sara Davison, your host, and that’s it for today’s episode. Be sure to join me next time so you, too, can move from Heartbreak to Happiness.